There are many moments in life that require us to call upon our resilience. We are constantly presented with challenges that require flexibility and tolerance, as small as figuring out an alternate route when there’s unexpected traffic, or picking a different dish at a restaurant when your favorite is sold out. The larger tests of our resilience are much more consequential, and many are experiencing unique and extreme tests right now.
We define resilience as effective adaptability and flexibility in response to adversity. Some think of it as how easily one “bounces back from” or “gets over” a stressor or trauma. It is important to note that even the most resilient people still experience distress and adversity; this is a function of being a human being - we will all experience sadness, anxiety, anger and distress at times. Resilient people are not immune to pain, they simply process that pain differently, and this is a skill that can be learned. As with all skills we work on at CTWPS, developing resilience requires effort, intention, and time. What better time than now to work on this skill?
Start with your thinking: locus of control.
The first place to start when working on resilience-building is the much researched concept of “locus of control,” which is highly correlated with resilience. One’s locus of control, or belief in where “the power” lies in one’s life, can be either external or internal. If someone experiencing adversity has an external locus of control, she may believe the universe is stacked against her, and things are unfair, hopeless and unchangeable. Someone with an internal locus of control is able to take adversity in stride as she still believes in her innate power and agency over her circumstances, even if they are not what she would like them to be at the moment. She still feels motivated to work on herself and her situation, as she believes in her own control over her life and the potential for positive change. An internal locus of control is associated with higher resilience.
Given the current circumstances of the world, it would be easy to adopt an external locus of control. However I would challenge you to redirect your attention to what you do have control over, and exert your power there. Rather than helplessly submitting to the currents around us, try centering, and making the concerted movements necessary to keep yourself above water and feeling in control.
Edit the narrative.
When we experience something traumatizing or painful, it is normal to experience some rumination - or going over the issue again and again in your mind. However, rumination can be an emotional hamster wheel - allowing us to “spin out” on a narrative with no meaningful progress. Further, when we ruminate, that particular narrative about ourselves and our experiences becomes reinforced over and over. Resilience develops when we make efforts to catch cognitive distortions that may be twisting our narrative, such as engaging in catastrophic or fortune-telling thoughts. For example, if a woman finds that her living situation has changed due to the pandemic, she may find herself telling a story of helplessness (“I’m stuck here”) and hopelessness (“things will never feel normal again”). In therapy, we might try to edit her narrative by addressing these distortions and developing a more accurate and realistic perspective. In particular, while she can’t change the pandemic, she can change how she is responding to it.
Find purpose and meaning.
Grounding oneself through identifying purpose and meaning is a critical behavioral intervention during times of stress. As you are editing your current narrative, also look to the future: what do you want the “you” 10 years from now to think about how you managed this adversity? How will she think you grew and developed? How did you take advantage of the opportunity to evolve yourself, empower yourself, and grow your resilience? Use this future-oriented thinking to anchor goals for yourself. Maybe current events in the world have thrown a wrench into plans you had; bump those goals a little further down the road, and look at shorter term goals. Taking initiative in establishing meaningful purpose increases self-worth, one’s sense of strength, and one’s mood.
The skill of resilience has particular relevance now given the extreme circumstances many are facing, but at CTWPS we always want to look at challenging times as precious opportunities for development. We encourage you to look for ways to inspire resilience in your own life, and as always, we are here to help.