Nearly half of the female population struggles with sexual function concerns, such as pelvic pain, yet we seem to have a hard time talking about these issues outside of our medical appointments. As feminist psychologists, our therapy practice takes great pride in supporting the unique needs of women, particularly when these needs might otherwise be overlooked. In fact, CTWPS recently hosted a free seminar on pelvic pain to this end: to increase awareness of the prevalence of pelvic pain, to decrease feelings of shame and isolation that often accompany sexual dysfunction, and to introduce some cognitive and behavioral techniques for managing pain. If these are issues you struggle with, the below tips from our seminar will be an invaluable jumping-off point for addressing one of the more neglected aspects of women’s sexual health.
Getting Connected to the Right Resources
Treatment will be most comfortable and efficient if you have a team of professionals who are familiar with pelvic pain. Your team might include gynecologists, physical therapists (PT), psychologists, and psychiatrists. When you are trying to find a gynecologist who is a good fit, ask some questions about pelvic pain and assess your doctor’s responsiveness. Consider whether they put you at ease during your gynecological exam, how open they are to talking about pelvic pain, and if they have readily available resources and suggestions for a course of treatment. If they mention the possibility of connecting with a pelvic PT, this is a good indicator that they have some familiarity with pelvic pain and how to treat it.
Working with a pelvic PT allows for the opportunity to engage in strengthening, stretching and relaxation of the legs, trunk and pelvic area. While it may feel uncomfortable or strange when you begin working with a pelvic PT, rest assured that this is a commonly used treatment for pelvic pain. If a doctor refers you to a pelvic PT, ask them what to anticipate during your first visit so you can know what to expect and feel more at ease.
Psychologists and psychiatrists are also useful resources when dealing with pelvic pain. Psychologists can help you tackle the thoughts and emotions that are associated with your pelvic pain and sexual discomfort. More specifically, they can provide information on pain tolerance, emotion regulation, and communication skills with sexual partners or clinicians. Psychiatrists might also be able to prescribe certain medications to address the discomfort and/or related anxiety.
Addressing Distorted Thinking
If you experience pelvic pain, it might change the way you think about intimacy, daily activities, relationships, or yourself. You may fear you will be unable to manage your pain while engaging in daily tasks, are uncomfortable explaining your pelvic pain to a friend, loved one, or sexual partner, or might worry about being rejected by a partner because of your ‘dysfunction.’
However, unhelpful thinking patterns - i.e. cognitive distortions - may play an equal or even larger role in your discomfort than your physical pain. We know that negative, biased, distorted thought patterns can be harmful to our mood, and have negative consequences for our behavior. Thus, it is important to identify and counteract distorted thinking patterns so you can approach intimate, triggering situations feeling more comfortable and confident. Try asking yourself questions that challenge negative thoughts, such as “What’s the most realistic possible outcome if I put myself out there?” or “Can I handle telling someone that I have difficulties with pelvic pain?” By asking these types of questions you can start to put things into perspective. And if there’s one thing we know as CBT psychologists, it’s that perspective is everything!
Soothing Ourselves
When we are in an anxiety-provoking situation or anticipating one, it can be helpful to practice self-soothing. Self-soothing helps ‘ground’ or ‘anchor’ us to the present moment by engaging our five senses. It’s useful to get creative here! What are the different smells, sights, and sounds that you find most pleasurable? Do you like visualizing yourself on a beach, or enjoy the smell of a lavender essential oil? The goal of self-soothing is to find easy and accessible ways to comfort yourself either leading up to a stressful situation or when you are in one. If you are in an intimate situation and notice yourself getting anxious, self-soothing with visual techniques or excusing yourself to the bathroom to splash cold water on your face are both fairly easy to do. Or if you’re worried about pain before a date night, sing along to a favorite song while you get ready, bake something that smells and tastes good, or put on an outfit that is comfortable. This might not be the time to try a new perfume or wear something you’ve never worn before. Go with what’s comfortable, soothing, and familiar!
Everyone’s pelvic pain journey is different. Regardless of what your experience is, it is important to recognize that this pain isn’t something to be ashamed of, nor is it something you must cope with alone. If you are dealing with pelvic pain and find that it is interfering with your mood, thinking, or functioning, we can help! Don’t hesitate to contact us to schedule a consultation as soon as possible.