Motherfectionism: the cultural and intrapsychic insistence that mothers be perfect vessels of love and nurturance; responsible for, and in control of, all aspects of her child’s behavior and outcome.
OK, so I made up my own word. But it’s probably about time because it describes a process mothers often experience, and that I am witness to in my private practice and personal life. There are more examples of motherfectionism than I can count because women still bear the lion’s share of the emotional, logistic, and physical labor of parenting. And any form of perfectionism is first and foremost a coping strategy.
Why am I framing the challenges of motherhood through this lens? Because I believe that our role as women’s mental health psychologists is to consciously not reinforce perfectionistic, unrealistic standards for mothers. Indeed, there is a whole parenting advice industry that serves to replicate these standards, replete with two minute TikToks of confident, easy wins with our kids. I can’t tell you how many therapy sessions I have shared with mothers who feel confusion and shame in their parenting in the reflective glare of TikTok advice.
I believe our role as women’s mental health psychologists is to acknowledge the complexity of parenting, and to shore up resilience within our female clientele for the emotional and pragmatic complexities - and labor - of motherhood. While we can offer parenting advice if needed, our job is to support you with all the flexibility and creativity that parenting requires. Just like we do with every other important area in your life.