My son, a freshman at a large university in the midwest, called me early this week to share the tragic news that a friend of his had died by suicide while on campus. I write this post still struggling with grief for my son’s friend, his family, my son, their community, and for the many young men struggling with their mental health in seeming isolation. My son was profoundly shocked by his friend’s suicide, and saw no warning signs, no signs of distress, no drug or alcohol use, or any form of self-harm by his friend. He is unable to wrap his mind fully around this, nor am I, even as a psychologist and therapist. What I often believe about suicide is that the suicidal person is in a profoundly altered state. But of course, I can’t really know that to be true.
While we all have heard the statistics on the mental health crisis facing young people, it is important to acknowledge that young men sadly are more apt to commit suicide than young women, perhaps partially because they typically use more aggressive means to do so. Per the CDC, men die by suicide nearly 4 times more than women. While the mental health of young men and women is deeply concerning, young women may be better at expressing their high risk ideation and seeking help as compared to young men.
I mourn the seeming mental isolation of my son’s friend, but also the many young men in the world who may not be able to find a way to share their suffering with others. I write this not to provide a psychoeducation on suicidality, but to encourage us all to reach out and connect more to the people that matter in our lives. To talk more, to open up all sorts of conversations - especially with our boys and young men. The conversations don’t have to be serious, psychological, or profound, I think it’s ok to start with the silly, the mundane, the playful.
But however it is that we connect, are we willing to connect some more?